Catch 22's

I am sat in my lounge with my feet up. Not sure what To do with the moment I have I found my self aimlessly scrolling down Facebook reading through all sorts , some stories about very negative things happening in the world, to spiritual nuggets of wisdom in the form of a quote or photograph. Still the hours pass by as I pass by on this sofa. Slough can come And hold you so easily , it sneaks in and holds you in it’s warm embrace. It feels snuggly and safe here , but here you may stay for days. Wrapped in the intimacy of doing nothing; intimacy what a strange way to describe it , i guess It could be, intermate with my being ; but I feel not. I feel it keeps you warm but it’s so cozy yet dull, not inspiring , almost like your slowly fading away. Fizzling out. No need to face nothing , no need to make decisions , no need even to move. Almost a numbness. I know I won’t stay here for long but I wonder with these regular visits how much they effect life and it’s pace? Not to dwell on this, only to keep standing back up and keep on heading in the direction. Such a funny time for me, really I have no idea what is in store, trying to navigate from a calm place , without planning too much and keeping it open, without dropping into despair which is so easy to meet, without grasping from fear , without beating myself up , worrying, getting involved in a crazy mind connection story that’s simply my imagination. Without letting the pressure of life, that I should be doing something incredible pull me down, but To stay lighter then before and use that lightness within life and it’s turns. Breathing in when my pain body is activated , not listing to thoughts of unworthiness which creep up on me every other moment making me want to reach out for a plan of action , reach out to accomplish something, instead choosing to keep space and let them pass by whilst focusing on finding space for new goodness to surface within me , knowing that I am enough and I always have been, knowing that what will happen will happen and learning to let go of the rains , or trying to control from fear. Learning to trust. Trust? trust what ? Trust the flow? The world ? Myself ? The wheels have turned these days though because know I am totally up for moving towards trust, towards love, to move towards the goodness, where as before I wanted to hide inside the cave of my hood and bury my face deep down , squashing the emotions , keeping them so compact that there they will stay , somewhere in my chest , silent and dormant. You see now I dip and dive from the comforts of my hood into a space where I know nothing and prehaps there is nothing to be known . A moment that keeps on as it is just is. Wow, so much to let go to stay in this place. Your hopes and dreams, your ideas, everything you have hidden inside of, your what is bests and all the rest. All this uncertainty has made me ask myself what do I want? How shall I live? Where and with who? In what ? , I ponder the question somehow what is home ? And question if I need to have a solid base for a while , or for a while I let go into the unknown because really I don’t know what I want , so I can let that take me where it takes me. Can i accept My unknown and move into it, knowing that I want to feel nourished and the fire of my Soul to light up. Wow I swear we live in a play of catch 22’s I only hope that we hatch out from it . What is home to you? Is it a physical place? Is it a feeling ? Is it changeable ?